there's paper in my vomit.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize