Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
