i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize