she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
