I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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