I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Found your dick twin last night
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
