rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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