If i come over, it means nothing
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You were trust falling into bushes
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
