I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
