I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
