How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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