Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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