I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
