i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
