I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
