everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online