the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US