I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?