My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed