im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
This house was built for laser tag.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
