Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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