Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
