I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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