would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
