How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
