May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
