So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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