i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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