When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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