is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
