I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
