well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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