She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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