I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
