I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I don't deserve a penis
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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