Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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