i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
