He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
