TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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