I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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