I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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