i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
