Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize