You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
did i just pee glitter
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
