I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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