How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
