I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
