Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
