census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
