We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
