I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
