He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
