Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Please don't give away my fajitas
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
