Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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