it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
