foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
