wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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