i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
