i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.