why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
