Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
