We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
