Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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