yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The police scanner is talking about you again....
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
