We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
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Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
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Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.