Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just pee around me
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.