I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
