quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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