hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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