y did u give ur computer a hand job?
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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