Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
