i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Do vagina's smell?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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