Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
