How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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