Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
