I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
