Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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