Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
