I CAN MOONWALK!
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So here I am, sexting at work.
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