I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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