after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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