Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
