Just cropdusted the office
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
