the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
