haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
not ubering you a puppy
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
