Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
