My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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