I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
