I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think your dad took our porno
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
