i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
