Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
