Duck Duck Cougar?
He kissed a someone with a penis
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
