sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I am one with the molecules
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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